"Forgive me. I only wanted to break the spell, to prove my love. 

I love you for your kindness and courage, I always have." 

Teachers

"Beautiful little kids between the ages of 5 and 10 years old. They had their entire lives ahead of them... birthdays, graduations, weddings, kids of their own. Among the fallen were also teachers, men and women who devoted their lives to helping our children fulfill their dreams."

The events that unfolded at the Sandy Hook elementary school in US is disgusting. It's a different kind of hurt when numerous innocent children were taken away. For the love of God, they had done NOTHING wrong to deserve this tragedy. It disturbs me greatly and brings me to tears when one of the teachers recounts the attacks. She quivers, "[In lock down] I told the children that I loved each and every one of them. I wanted them to know that someone loves them and cares for them at this moment." Children were asked to keep their eyes closed while holding out a hand on the student's shoulder in front of them. The front student held onto the teacher's hand where they were lead to the gym for safety. Teachers began to read stories to children to calm them down in there. Teacher Victoria Soto, aged 27 hid her grade one students in the closet. When the gunman came to her she told him that they were in the gym and he shot her dead. Her students were saved. A terrible tragedy, one I can't even bear to understand it especially when I've been working with children around the victims' ages. It just breaks my heart.

Look at the world around you and fix what you don't like.&n

Pay It Forward (2000)

This is by far one of the most inspirational movies of all time. Produced 12 years ago, it gets me every time. I'll admit I'm not the best person, never. I'm selfish, a terrible hypocrite and I'm slow at making decisions. I'm only human, and I know I can be somebody so much more than just that. Every once in a while I'll remind myself to pay it forward in whatever way I can. Before being aware to this concept, I would be fixated on only performing good deeds if that person did the same to me. Now I've realized, sometimes it's almost impossible for me to reciprocate it back to them. I'd be kicking myself if I couldn't do it. It does not mean however, that I'm less of a person than them. I won't let anyone doubt me like this. People who look down on others don't have anyone to look up to them. So this is my way of paying it forward, to my teachers. 

The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.

 William Arthur Ward

Like all students, I've had some "bad" teachers, some good and some great. If I had to narrow it down to my two most influential, it'll have to be my Year 8 English teacher and Year 12 Psychology teacher. Before I begin to write about them, I'll give you a bit of background of the student I was in high school. I was the quiet Asian girl, the one who'd always get "please participate more in class" written on their report nearly every year. I was also the one who'd taken every text book home to study and bring it back to school the next day. With my heavy backpack full of books, this would probably explain some reason for my short stature. Sleep or no sleep, I satisfied every single deadline - except once for further maths and I got detention for it later. I believed I was walking the thug life at that point. Extra curricular activities would only be looked upon if they involved food. Debating and whole heap load of participation certificates; high school was pretty much reserved for study and lunch time. 

My English writing skills had taken a significant turning point in Year 8 and it turned out to be my most strongest academic subject in high school. All this took was one teacher, Ms. S. I had found a new way of sophisticated writing as if it was a breath of fresh air. It's difficult to explain how it happened, concepts of metaphors, hyperboles, analogies, all that just suddenly clicked and placed themselves out on paper. In every class she'd try to squeeze out the knowledge we had in our mind. Expanding and elaborating on them, ideas bounced to and fro in the classroom. Books and films were seen in a world that I never knew of. Now I can't even sit and watch a movie or read without analyzing the power of symbolism. Ms. S had given me a key to hidden messages, and things most people would simply oversee. I began appreciating the portrayals in words, images, music and colours - it was art to me. I had struck a chord within. 

Mr. M, my psychology teacher had impacted me on a different aspect. I was fortunate enough to have a teacher aid us in a way that was never distressing or throw us concepts in an overwhelming manner. It was the fact that he had managed to establish a relationship in the classroom where he was not only our teacher - he was also a examiner. In lessons, he'd often incorporate his view from an examiners point; which answers were appropriate or could be better. These annotations were made throughout the semester in person and not just at the end when teachers give you piles of practice exam papers to do. A classroom where you weren't afraid to make mistakes, because he'd always be willing to repeat the information and encourage you again. Mr. M was a teacher who you felt you'd disappoint him if you were disappointed with yourself. It was my final year of VCE and to have most of my teachers rushing to get all the content done in a short time frame, I wasn't in a good place. So when I had chosen a subject I genuinely enjoyed, with a teacher who'd had created a more relaxing environment no doubt this was my most valued and recent high school memory. 

These teachers, my everyday heroes are the ones I can never repay back to them individually. It's their encouragement and hope for their students that I will one day, dedicate in paying it forward to my own class. During our university course selections in Year 12, I initially didn't regard teaching to be my profession and so I entered a science course. It wasn't until I started tutoring with a personal new found sense of classroom relationships, that I could see myself practicing in the future. I could make students who did nothing, do everything. The tables had been turned. I picked up an education course and combined it with science. I was excited, reflecting too upon my experiences with Mr. M and Ms. S as I entered the theater at orientation in the beginning of the year. Like many students initially, I thought I was going to be just like my teachers. Little did I know, this wasn't the ideal mindset I was suppose to have. The course coordinator told us straight away that they were not going to teach us how to be a copy of them at all. Instead, they were going to guide us in ways, choices, ideas, plans and actions we would be able to make on our own for our classrooms. This was definitely a new philosophical mindset I believed for the better, and I was ready to take it on. 

It's been a hard yet rewarding year with new information. I went on two different placements to experience two different settings of teaching in the community. The path I have chosen is not an easy one, and this is my way of paying it forward and I won't tolerate anyone for putting me down or telling me I can't. I want my students to feel valued, to ensure their potential is reached even if they hate me. I want to make students feel that I care, and importantly the way I felt through Mr. M and Ms. S in my own way. When the time comes, when I'm finally there; I'll be able to thank these two people from the bottom of my heart. 

...

"Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." I won't have a "Dr." in front of my name. I'm not going to make millions either. Yep. I know all the negative stigma that comes with it. So I'm going to have to let you know right now to fuck what you think because I,  don't give a fuck. 

(Shown at orientation day)

What teachers make. 

Poem by Taylor Mali. 

I'm going to make a goddamn difference.

Friendly reminder:

People deal with stress differently.

People deal with being ignored differently. 

People deal with being sick differently. 

Don't be a dick and try to tell someone they are wrong for feeling the way they do

or tell them to die because they feel a certain way.

You aren't them, you don't know how they feel. 

Thank. 

Source

December

I haven't written in a while. The words in my head are becoming harder to project.  

Just registered for the text message release of my semester two results a couple of hours ago. It's hard to breathe or sleep. I'm in a fucking spiral of emotions. Who am I kidding? Studying five days before the exam isn't going to foster any miracles. I spent more time at the coffee shop than at uni this semester. Just give me my marks now and end the misery, or make it worse. I've calculated the percentage of marks I need to achieve to pass the overall subject. It's excruciating waiting and thinking. Waiting and thinking. Waiting and thinking. That's all I ever do. Send me into deep slumber where I'll be in limbo with life and death. Wake me up when this forsaken year ends because I can't take anymore of 2012's shit. I can't. 

The day we met

Frozen, I held my breath

Right from the start

I knew that I found a home for my heart 

Beats fast, colours and promises

How to be brave? 

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall? 

But watching you stand alone 

All of my doubts, suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

Another place.

https://twitter.com/khameha

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The Persistence of Memory

1931

Salvador Dali

"A powerful reminder that our memories are much more like melting wax than hardened metal. 

They often change over time, far more than we realize." 

GIRLS NIGHT!

HUUUUUUH all the time. 

♥♥♥

Warm Bodies - Isaac Marion

“In my mind I am eloquent; I can climb intricate scaffolds of words to reach the highest cathedral ceilings and paint my thoughts. But when I open my mouth, everything collapses.”

Since finishing my first exam on Tuesday, I decided to reward myself with a little taste of my anticipating summer holiday. So I accidentally finished reading Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion in two days. By accident I meant forgetting all reality of exams and everything else. 

I have read Twilight by Stephanie Meyer and painfully endured the second book, New Moon (if I took a shot of vodka every time Bella describes the "hole" in the her chest, you'll be rushing me to the emergency room). I have also studied religiously for Year 10 English, Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet. Now replace the vampire phenomenon with zombies and the two protagonists, "R" & Julie. You see what I did? I've just described Warm Bodies on the surface known to many. 

I initially began reading with those thoughts in my mind and I can admit I was blown away at how good and different this was from page one. My persistence for reading Twilight were to be thanked here, as I appreciated new and insightful writing that weren't always...you know, where the protagonist doesn't leap off cliffs to catch a glimpse of her lost vampire boyfriend. I'm not saying Twilight is atrocious, I just prefer it as light reading for my taste. This book wasn't entirely based as a remake for Romeo & Juliet as well, in my opinion this included some of Beauty & the Beast tale. How could  a beautiful woman love a brain eating monster? 

The dystopian setting in Warm Bodies also eludes me back to Orwell's Nineteen Eighty - Four and I too enjoyed this back thought while reading. Surprisingly I really do like the whole doomsday fear concept (in books!). I never knew I could sympathize with a zombie before. "R" narrates intelligently and philosophically on the world that he sees everyday. His knowledge of the human emotions and memories lost within, as well as the ability to communicate through only a few syllables comprises his heart warming nature. Sometimes he's just damn adorable. 

Of course there are those gory bits all zombie stories would elaborate on and I'd always see it on film, but never before have I ever considered my perspective on the way cells and neurons are annotated by R. I'm hoping that the film set to be released in 2013 will have at least some aspect on this. I also know that it will be dominantly narrated since the zombies don't really talk so I'm not sure how this will be tackled either. I already have a feeling of some parts that the directors will leave out so I'll be surprised if they did decide to include it. The last few chapters were a little disappointing I must say (those gimmie-more-more! thoughts), and I can already imagine the directors amplifying the story like they always do. Ah, this style of this novel has already made me skeptical about the film.  

A beast and his beauty. Romeo and his Juliet. I must emphasize this is not Twilight with zombies. Never. The pace of R & Julie is not too slow or rushed either. R can be the most cheesiest zombie you'll ever meet, while we are also reminded of the gruesome instincts they inevitably possess. Humans and zombies. A cure. A book so elegantly written, this will surely not be my last time reading it. 

Oh and bonus....I swear I found this on the internet when I finished reading! 

Goodbye October

A winter-y November to suit the weather for today. 

Spring has one more month to prove it's worth this year! 

2012 IS NEARLY OVER.