A whim away

Sunday, August 26, 2012

More reasons why FB sucks.


Congratulations. 

Facebook will now give you updates of who's who getting together. 

As a permanent notification. 

So no more hiding from your friends! because we're going to be reminded of this special event for you two love birds, for the whole day. 

 




Monday, August 20, 2012

The month that was: August


August, a month that says you're so close to the Summer, yet so far. I have just survived Survival Week for Semester 2, a term founded by the university where students are given the opportunity to re-collect or gain more advice on support services, employment, finance, healthy living and study tips. Basically, it's a week to get your shit together if you haven't already. 


In the library. 


CPR Practical - Completed a First Aid Training course, with certificates and all plus a handy portable face mask just in case! One student actually fainted during the practical...
You can count on me like 1,2,3 and I'll be there, TO GIVE YOU CPR. 


Going home from uni. 
It was actually my first time walking out of uni at night on Friday trying to complete my assignment. 


Food Adventure Fridays (FAF) with Linda. 

So I had two assignments, one worth 50% of the final mark and one online quiz due in the same week. I was kicking myself all week asking myself why I haven't started the assignment earlier. During these stressful periods, I would often find myself sipping small cups of hot beverages (hot chocolate / chai latte)  in the early morning. I wasn't the type of person who'd buy these drinks, or even enter a cafe two years ago! but now I must admit that I am quite hooked, and I really need something to get me through the day. The assignment was due Friday night 9pm. I managed to submit my piece at 8:50pm. I swear I would never put myself through this rush again. Knowing how unreliable the uni's intranet is, I was worried that the servers might crash and my assignment wouldn't upload (or it did but it gets lost in the internet). Luckily, for now I suppose - everything was in by the door. I felt as if a weight has been lifted. It's the same feeling you get when your assignment is being printed out and you're there violently fist pumping. 

I also had my first group oral presentation during the week this year. Here's the thing about me and public speaking, I spend more time trying to piece words together in my brain to make sense than actually remembering the stuff. I have everything in dot point forms on my cue cards or powerpoint. Just not the fluency and delivery of words I intend to possess. Another thing that I loathe about public speaking is question time. You're always giving a stare that says "No, please don't ask any questions!", the same stare a deer has before it's hunter. We were all in an incredible state of vulnerability, with some questions leaving us with no choice but to say "Sorry, we didn't research into that part.". Overtime I will work with my public speaking, because this is an inevitable requirement for almost every job out there. 



On the 8th of the 8th month, we welcomed a new guest to the family. A small, humble Jack Russell puppy roughly around the age of two months wandered into our backyard. This was due to my fault for forgetting to  shut the gate when I left for work that afternoon. While oblivious to this happening, my grandma had left the gate open in case the puppy would decide to walk out of our house and continue on to wherever he was to go. Instead, he stayed there till the sun came down. As I came home, I stopped in my tracks at the door. I was scared that he was going to be an aggressive one, but my mother came out and told me that it was okay and that he was harmless. 

Two weeks later and we've decided to look after him...forever. I've bought him two dog squeaky toys (both which have been chewed up and no longer squeaks) and a green leash with a bell so we could hear it around the house or outside. I've taught him how to sit for food and he would curl up into a ball of fur and sleep if I ever placed it on my lap. After eating his dinner, he'd jump into his crate and sleep. I give him lots of love each day and he gives it back too. He is the third dog to call our place home. Benji, our Maltese past away when I was in prep and Kandy (maltese/shih tzu) in Year 11. 

I've written all these things that he does but I didn't even mention a name! His name is Coffee, we named him after the light brown patches all over his (becoming fat) body. 


 Handwritten and delivered letters from Sophia | Magic Mike with Lan



Stephinee's nail polish collection | Weekly visits to Ikea with the family

For the past month, I've been focusing on myself. I'm reorganizing my priorities and how I shouldn't become so dependent on someone else for my happiness. Saying goodbye to people who never really cared about losing you in their life has never made me felt more at ease. I'd expect myself to be heartbroken and devastated, but this time - I feel more relieved that I'm able to realize their true self now, than finding out later in the long run. Well, I did eat heaps of chocolate and watched a couple of romantic movies before getting sick of the genre just to help with the moving on process. I'm going to be on my own for a while, I need to. It doesn't mean I'm going to push away love forever, I'm more aware of what I deserve. 

In a couple of hours, I am about to start my community placements at a local swimming pool. I'll be observing and analyzing swimming lessons over the next two weeks. In the email, it read "You might want to bring your bathers to get a better perspective from a teacher / student's view". Honestly, I haven't been in a swimming pool for six or so years and with the body I've managed to be nestled in...I'm scared I'll scar some innocence. Just kidding, I need to find some board shorts and a shirt. 

I have 23 hours lodged in my log book! 

Monday, August 6, 2012

Stages.

From that point on, we were at Stage 2: The Chase. Some say it’s the best part. All I wanted was to know more about her. All I wanted to do was to hang out with her. The only person I wanted to talk to was her. She was the number one priority. And every time I saw her, butterflies. She was everything that I thought could be perfect in a girl. And as soon as it felt right… 


Bottom line is someone stops trying and feelings aren't as strong as before. 

...

To hell with all this. Third time unlucky. This feeling is all too familiar to me, and yet for the first time I've only realised now that I don't deserve this. No one does. No one deserves to get ignored or forgotten in one go without any reasonable explanation. Or maybe I have? Please tell me what I've been doing that I just had to be abandoned again in the span of two years. Perhaps the mistake is that I've allowed myself to trust you. I got sucked in with all the cute texts and calls, and even the thought of you just being there was comforting. The heart wants what it wants. I'm throwing in the towel, I can't put this emotional turmoil on me anymore. I'm not going to play the waiting game again or any kind of stupid mind games. 

You either want me to be a part of your life or not. Simple as that. Two weeks was all it took to show me what I really meant to you. From day one I told myself to be careful. My friends told me to be careful, but what does that actually mean? What do I actually do? I was trying so hard not to get hurt again that I had to question every happiness I had with you because I wasn't sure of our future. I'm sorry for being scared of you sometimes. I'm sorry for being like this, but I knew maybe long enough one day I'd be truly happy with you. 

As so I thought. 

I'm sick of being pushed away by anyone. So guess what? I'm tired of seeing your name too. I'm hiding your name on Skype, unsubscribing to you on Facebook and deleting your number off my phone to stop myself from initiating any small talk. I told myself, if you really wanted to talk to me - you'd find a way...like you use to. Actually, if you really wanted to talk to me: don't just text me, don't just call me, don't leave messages on my wall - just come out and see me. 

I don't need anyone in my life who doesn't need me. 

I had a singe of hope that you'd be different, the one who'd prove why the people in the past never worked. I'm not letting you make or break my day. Do you even want to talk to me anymore? It seems that I'm being such a bothersome part of your life lately that you couldn't even spare an apology or a sentence when I waited three hours for your reply to my text, "Can you come out? I'm free." You'll probably think "I never asked you to ask me to hang out. I'm not doing anything wrong." Well, any decent human being of a friend wouldn't reply with one word to an invitation. It was pretty damn clear to me that it'd be a no within the first hour so I just went home. 

Go back to the life you had before we met, because the ability to remember is a curse itself. Forget those plans we had for the summer together, forget about my birthday too. I don't expect anything from you anymore. 

Goodbye. 

Thursday, August 2, 2012