Goodbye October

My male uni friends should grow a beard this month.

October Thoughts

Writer's note: 

This is also my 250th post!! A big hug to all my special followers! Thank you for taking the time to read through my posts for the past years. I treat my Blogspot like a treasure chest, so I'm very fortunate to be able to share my memories and thoughts with your patience and generosity. I'll always be thankful to you guys!
Take care of your health and studies everyone! 

This is my October 2011 thoughts in three parts: Word Rant, Parents and The Other Side of Love.

Word Rant:

You’ve heard this line over and over; everyone is entitled to their opinion. Well, this is going to be my opinion on people who have opinions. At first, we’ll be introduced to something new whether it may be a new song, television show etc. One person likes it, the other does not. These things happen so when it comes to discussion time, it’s important to shut your mouth for a moment and listen to their reasons why they like/dislike whatever it may be. You shouldn’t feel the need to get all fired up and tense, but just simply state your reasons why you feel this way about the certain topic. I’m going to take those thoughts into account but it will be my own personal choice whether I will apply them or make up my own mind about it. It doesn’t hurt to hear two sides of the story, but don’t dare tell me to literally stop pursing my interest (unless of course, they are harmful). If I feel strongly about something, then I’m going to give you every right to voice out why you don’t feel the way I feel. By all means, you can throw insults if you were desperate enough.

As most of you know, I’m connected to the kpop world. I’ve heard just about everything – they’re gay, they look like girls, they’re pussies, they’re disgusting etc – but so far, the ones who tell me these things have never told me to stop liking them. Kpop is a part of me, and they are civilized enough to accept me for who I am. I’m not a huge fan of heavy metal music, but that doesn’t give me a cue to go and tell others to stop liking them. If you don’t like it, then don’t watch it/listen to it. Simple as that, so don’t go putting down others who aren’t the same as you.

Let it be. I’ve just of had it with selfish people.

Parents:

Most people know that I’d prefer raising a boy over a girl. Why? Whenever I think about having a girl, another one of me, it’s bewildering to wonder how my own mother tolerates me. I’m not the best daughter in the world; things have been carried out without her knowledge and consent (as we all have), but she’s still there for me no matter how many times I’ve screwed up. In the end, she’s the only mother I have.

There’s a home video of me spreading jam when I was four years old. My mother was the one holding the camera and asked me to explain what I was doing. I know she’ll cherish these moments forever. The daughter she saw through the camera at that time is still sometimes in her view today. All those missed calls, lectures, and silent treatments; the times when our relationship strained, I’m going to accept that these things happen. They just want to know if I’m okay and what time I’m coming home. My grandparents still call her phone when they begin to worry. So what about the parents that don’t have their own parents wondering where they are? Who calls them to see if they're okay? I’m still young and I’m not afraid to say that I still need her.

I was getting sick of missed calls myself and started complaining to my uncle. He told me a solution. My grandparents constantly called him too, so he started calling them back instead. He lets them know what’s happening and such so they can sleep easier for the night. That’s what I’ve started to do. I’d text my mum who I’m with and what I’m doing. After a couple of minutes, she’d call just to see what time I’d be home and then tells me to stay safe, but also have a good time too. At least this will keep her mind at peace. I don’t want to leave her wondering or stressed out. Face it, your parents are growing older each day and they’ve got almost another world to worry about.  

All they want is you to be okay. If I ever become a mother, there will be a part of me where I will push my children academically because I want them to have the best opportunities in life. I don’t want to be the Asian parent who’ll force them so hard for the sake of our family name. You know what I want? I want them to achieve their potential and say to myself “They’ll be alright…even when I’m no longer here.” We’re going to hurt at times and it’s going to suck, but I just…hope it’ll all be worth it.

Future child, if I ever bring you into the world know that you’ll never be alone. I’ll teach you right from wrong but I have to accept that you’re going to make your own mistakes as well. We’re human. We’ll be angry together. We’ll be happy together too. Oh! I must apologize in advance for my over protectiveness at times in your life! but you have to remember this, your mother will always love you.

The Other Side of Love:  

I must admit I’m becoming bitterer on the topic of love and relationships. My heart’s closing up again and I shouldn’t allow myself to bring down these walls so easily. I’m not going to expect so much now because as we all know, it just kills you when things don’t turn out your way. Sometimes it does get lonely when you’re single or when you don’t have anyone to just hold you for a long time. So what do you do? There is no other choice but to hold yourself together. Over time, you get stronger, you become independent and you won’t constantly rely on someone for your own happiness. As Tumblr states "If you’re not happy being single, then you’re not going to be happy when you’re with someone else". If they’re gone, you’re going to have nothing but yourself. I was so caught up with the sweet idea of falling in love that I didn’t think of the dark and dangerous part. You’re giving almost your whole heart to them and they can do whatever they want to it. They can break you down in pieces, and you know what the worse part of it is? At the end of the road, they’re not going to be there and help you put your heart back together. You’re going to do it yourself. This is the risk you’re going to take from day 1. 

This is the other side of love I now see: The end of it. 

Powerful or powerless

I've been wanting to post up my Powerful or powerless reflection from Year 12 English since this year started...but I never came across to do so until now (perhaps procrastination? it probably is). Our English teacher made us describe our own personal experiences of strength and weakness as part of our theme analysis for text "The Secret River". Did I just make you cringe? 

I was also surprised when I opened my Word document, I had in fact written my reflection in the size 10 font. I now religiously write in size 9 font. 

Anywho, here you go! 

The worse feeling in the world for a five year old child is being left alone, abandoned or exposed to change. The first recollection of these traumatic emotions occurred at the bank where my mother worked. It was a weekday and she had brought me into the bank introducing me to the staff. “She looks like you! She’s the mini version of you...” cooed everyone to my mother. She then brought me behind the teller desk and pulled out some blank pieces of paper from the cabinet. I was given a few pens and automatically understood that it was drawing time. I was too preoccupied tracing out the shape of my hand on the piece of paper to notice that my mother had left and worked in the other rooms. When I had realized her absence, I went astray from my activity and became scared, powerless and alone. Thoughts of “Where did mum go? I don’t know this place!” were running through my head. The tears were forming before my eyes as I turned my chair to the new woman next to me serving the customers at the teller. “I want my mum” I managed to quiver out among my twinkling eyes. I was reunited with my mum again when she walked through the door from her office. To avoid anymore tears, I was allowed to play happily on the floor with a bag full of rubber bands near her desk while she worked.

A time that I was physically powerless was also during my early childhood when my legs were chronically fatigued. Moving the bottom half of my body took extreme strength and pain causing the top half of my body to also become exhausted. Due to this illness, I had to miss out on a few days of kindergarten which was frustrating and boring. Cooped up in bed all day, I also missed going to the local library and engrossing myself in the latest picture books there was to offer. Not knowing or being able to understand the reason for this unceasing condition, my body continued to feel an imaginary persistency of heavy weights being held on top of me. Being isolated from stimulation and the exuberant outdoors were all due to this exasperating bodily weakness.

The status of being a year 12 student has been most welcomed with its various privileges. Firstly, the anticipated opening of the year 12 kitchen was warmly welcomed into our daily life as we’re allowed to independently cook and store our own food. Feeling very much territorial, we’d grit out teeth so that no other year levels were obliged to this region of ours. The ever beloved not so silent, silent room is a place where other students can peer into their own future behind glass windows. We’ve waited five years to use this room and if a student believes that they should ever push their time and boundaries, they should be prepared for colorful verbal abuse from the seniors. Wearing the shiny gold year 12 badge on your jumper indicates separation and division from the year 11’s, which is a pleasant acknowledgement of clear superiority within the entire school. Walking in through packed corridors have became more of an ease to most students as the light blue jumper, a uniformed signature of power; recalls juniors to move their bodies away from yours. To witness a teacher walk out of the class to control and scold other students for their nosy behaviour because “The year 12 class is doing a very important SAC” triggers a sense of empowerment and supremacy

 I’ve also gained the mental power to overcome the true fact that many people in this world will not be fond of you. Being liked seemed to be the most important thing in life that I didn’t realize that I was wasting time trying to change the minds of those with princess/prince syndrome. These were people who were very narrow – minded, shallow and selfish. I admit I’ve tried straying away from my own morals just so I could please them yet now, I’ve matured and have accepted the realization that not everyone is comfortable with my personality. Instead of spending my time trying to impress them, I’ve surrounded myself in those who admire and truly care for me. No longer weak and subjected to constantly satisfy others, the vibrant strength created within are from the people I love who acknowledge my values, beliefs and importantly, my flaws. This has truly given the power to enjoy the delights of my personality and the impact it has on them everyday. They’ve celebrated my uniqueness which makes me feel special that they have offered me the beautiful gift to believe that I have the permission to always be myself around them.               

Class.

There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don't need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal, picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain.

Audrey Hepburn

Lady Diana

"If you find someone you love in your life, then hang on to that love."

"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you."

"I will fight for my children on any level so they can reach their potential as human beings and in their public duties." 

Diana, Princess of Wales

Little things from my students:

These kids give me hope.

Everyday I'm studying

Partner

"Simple, I'm going to have fun with her."

Keith (2008)

J. McCartney

Do you remember your first fangirl experience? Seven years later and he still makes me weak with his killer eyes and voice. The cute blonde boy I first laid eyes on while watching Video Hits on a Saturday morning, is now a man - might I add, one hell of a ladies man.

Just recently revisiting a performance of his on Law & Order SVU, I applaud him for charming and powerful acting skills. He is also most notable on the TV drama "Summerland" and in the teen drama film "Keith".

Playing back to his first solo single "Beautiful Soul" (2004) - oh how I would listen to the radio all day just to hear this song be aired.

"She's no you" features his then girlfriend Katie Cassidy. From my point of view, setting the video in black and white really emphasizes the suburban coldness McCartney walks through before meeting his girlfriend. One of my favourite videos. 

Here, we begin to see McCartney a little more grown up - with a mature approach, he presents us a new type of sound and pop rock beats in his second album "Right where you want me" (2006)

"Just so you know"

From his third album "Departure" (2009), critics responded by comparing this album to being completely different to the first two albums. McCartney's music style is also now familiarized to the work of Justin Timberlake. McCartney has successfully proved himself to be no longer a teenager. 

"It's Over"

Up and coming fourth studio album "Have it All" (2011) - McCartney commented on the album in an interview with Billboard as, "It's full of sexy, four-on-the-floor beats with big pop melodies... but yet again, some rhythmic, R&B stuff that's pushing the envelope a little bit more for me as an artist," "I wanted to make sure that there were no boundaries. I'm 23, and I wanted to make sure there was nothing boxing me in musically or content-wise."

"Shake"

2004:

"I don't want another pretty face, I don't want just anyone to hold. I want you and your beautiful soul." 

2011:

 "Shorty hitting me up, says she wanna re-up. Knows I got the best in town." 

Songs like this released nowadays are not very appealing to me. Hot girls dancing around him and the music scenes are getting more provocative. In general, I'm disappointed how songs today are depicted as popular. Lyrics are becoming more and more ridiculous. Jesse Mccartney, I still adore you, but you've made me realize how an artist like you has changed your music style in order to fit into the entertainment culture of today. I really miss the days when having a Beautiful Soul was enough to win Jesse's heart, not  a Beautiful Body... 

Manners

What's more infuriating is when people can't comprehend to add two simple words into their daily vocabulary: please and thank you.

There is nothing wrong with being polite when asking or receiving. Know that being well - mannered and considerate doesn't have to cost you a thing, nor does showing some fucking respect once in a while. Being disrespectful just goes to show how downright rude and selfish you are.

Even for the smallest things such as receiving your food order or someone handing over something to you, a sign of appreciation wouldn't kill you. For fuck's sake, it won't even ruin your reputation either. Acknowledge that this is someone; a friend, a family member, a stranger - a human being who has taken their time in hours, minutes or seconds to make YOU satisfied. Don't let your pride take them for granted.

I wish I could hear these words of gratitude more. You don't always have to do something extravagant in return. Be courteous everyday. Don't let manners go out of style.