I'd like to "re-" introduce myself to you today.
I'm not good with "About Me" descriptions on social platforms since I'd usually throw in a quote and let other people decipher their perception on me there. I'll even say right now that I loathe ice breakers. I've got a few minutes to recite what I'll say, before being the person in the class with everyone's eyes on. I know you're all judging me silently. Okay here it goes, it's your turn Karen.
I'm Karen; an old fashioned Danish name my uncle came up with that had a similar pronunciation to my Chinese name. I'm Australian born Chinese. My Chinese skills are broken into little pieces thanks to the prominent English here. My prep teacher told my parents that I couldn't speak English but they didn't care. I would eventually be blabbering away the second language from the countless hours I spent in front of the television. I'm 20. Daniel Radcliffe is three years older than me and has already made 11 movies. I've done nothing as spectacular.
Sometimes I'd suddenly remember about the three moles I have on my right cheek (the top one doesn't count because it's an acne scar) and the jade bracelet I've worn on my left wrist since I was seven. I was sitting in an inflatable pool in the backyard and grandma thought it was the best time to slide it onto my wrist. I don't like wearing bracelets other than this one. I have dimples, but only when someone points them out and I go "Oh yeah I do I have dimples!". These small unconscious things are just that - something I live with everyday but don't actually remembering living with.
Vividly conscious, I feel fat all the time. If not for the relatives who look at my eating as a way of just asking to be fatter than I already was, then it's the reflection in the mirror. The brutal image that stands before me. I'm silent, but my body in the mirror is screaming words in my head. You're a size ***, you should be a size **. What you eat in private is what you wear in public. Forget about wearing jeans, or pants even. Button it up, no one wants to see that. Forget about tank top season, your arms are a tragedy. Cover that part up. More layers. Why did you eat that last night? Now look what you've done to yourself. I feel like the freaking size of Jupiter even when I stand next to strangers. You wouldn't know how emotionally damaging the term fat can be to me. Eating became more of a crime than ever. Then I realized I did not ask to be fat. To counteract those nasty thoughts I've incorporated better lifestyle choices. I've still got a long way to go and it's my endurance which never fails to amaze me. So I'll laugh off the fat comments, but shut the fuck up you don't know that my legs can carry me for miles every week and still want to keep running. I'm trying to move my mindset into a better place because I'm done feeling sorry for myself. There's nothing more satisfying than proving my worth and them wrong.
I'm currently studying secondary education and psychology. I didn't consider much thought on a teaching profession after high school until working under a tuition centre. Students became instrumental to me so I transferred and combined my interest in science with education. Why psychology? I'll have to thank my VCE psych teacher for that. He was hopeful and humble, and brains were cool. Another long hard journey ahead but I'll make it one day. Lesson planning for lyf come at me. So that's my academic life in a nutshell (I won't ramble on anymore on this because you're not actually interviewing me for a job...are you? just kidding. Keep reading for juicy parts ahead?).
I CAN BE YOUR ULTIMATE FANGIRL. Often I'd have bursts of being horribly clingy. I will flood your phone with messages. They will most likely be in CAPS LOCK. Let me know you'll be late so I won't have panic attacks alone without you. I will call you eight, ten, eleven times. I will use CAPS LOCK on Twitter and your Facebook. ONE TEXT MESSAGE CAN SAVE ME OR I'LL PRESUME YOU'RE DEAD. I don't like leaving online convos first because I believe people will get angry. I like hugs. Everyone gets a hug. If I love you long enough, you'll get the marriage/dating package with bonus jealousy and insults! The fiance deal is already out of stock. I CAN BE YOUR ULTIMATE FANGIRL. Our lives are getting busier and busier, so after a really good catch up I feel like shooting out rainbows to show everyone....sadly I can't do that so I'll just squirm happily inside. I CAN BE YOUR ULTIMATE FANGIRL.
...Is there a boyfran you fangirl over???!!
I've never had a boyfriend. No ones ever
fancied me enough to tell me that they actually liked me. I've tried a few
times but they all left before shit got too deep = becoming the
boyfriend/girlfriend label. Two years of mindfucking and all that's come of it
are embarrassing crushes and a waste of time. Never held hands with anyone
either. What probably would be the most romantic thing that has happened was
him* saying “For you, I’m going to cut in front of that car because you’re
busting for the toilet.” That’s nice I suppose. Then there was that awkward
time when he** suddenly swung me close under his chin and I automatically pulled away. It was on the train geez...I
am terrible.
Honest to God I have no one in mind right
now and let’s keep it that way! I am in no rush to pursue anyone. Occasionally I’d feel lonesome here and there,
but it's better off being alone than being with the wrong person.
Alright I'm going to write insanely fast for the last five minutes!
Nicholas Hoult and Ryan Gosling are my
main men. I'd marry both in a jiffy. My friends have accepted my relationship with these two no matter
how emotionally unhealthy it has been. I can’t give a definite answer on my favourite movie
or song, however I’m happy to show you my playlist or hard drive and configure
which ones I’d enjoyed. I cut people out of my life just like that. My hair grows fast. Mascara, lip balm and moisturizer
are the only things I consider to be “make up” for my face. I don’t do anything
else. I’m pro on weekly skin care. I’m a huge procrastinator. I love the
internet way too much. I contribute millions of views to my favourite Youtube
videos. I get angry. I swear online more. I had a good childhood, 90's kid style. I hate the
doctor because I’m always fearing for the worst news. Death is ambiguous to me because
I’m more scared of what’s going to happen after. Keep your sex life tasteful if
you’re going to describe it to me. I don't want to be scarred for life. I'm intrigued by fetish documentaries on morbidly obese women , dolls, and inanimate objects. I like documentaries especially the ones on the ABC Channel. I don't like people who think they're all that. Skins, Once Upon A Time, Community, The Big Bang Theory, My Fat Mad Diary, American Horror Story. I cut my hair short because I could. I do get weird pains in my boobs and think I'm having a heart attack. I like cloudy weather. I have to get a move on with my essays. I can hate, cry, laugh and love. My mum still talks about that that one guy I use to like. I don't believe in forever, or even love at first sight. Horoscopes are trivial, they're not real. I like pastel colours and red. ALWAYS MOISTURIZE.
Don't fuck with me, or anyone. Everyone's got their own battle.
No pain, no gain.
Hello April.
