Dear VCE,

 I'm a damsel in distress, and I'm the only one who can save me.

On the eve of my VCE program, my parents told me that I had only had to suffer a bit for two years before I can lavishly live in my successes.

My memory of Year 11 had become a blur to me. My head was resting quite comfortably above the surface of the water. At times, the water might hit your face impairing your vision, but at least you were okay in Year 11. I realised to go forth in VCE, you had to choose two from three options of interest; your VCE, your social life and finally, your sleep. A deprived social life was the least harmful to me, so I decided to limit it. Left with only sleep and studies, my priorities gradually declined my mentality through the sacrifice of sleep. I could sleep anytime and probably anywhere. I would sleep at 2am and wake up at 4am to do homework and then go to school.

Time in this case, was your worst enemy. It's merciless, and fighting with it was hopeless. I became depressed moreso than stressed. I could only stress about the present, and become depressed about the future. Being left alone was horrible especially in bed when everyone else was sleeping. It was torture, every night, that bloody ATAR score. It does not determine your intelligence because people enter exams differently. Your ATAR score will mainly decide a place for you at your chosen university. However, does that mean that the university you are placed into will also decide your intelligence?

Of course not, it decides your future. Universities are flexible, they offer courses instead of scores. I do not wish for a 90+ ATAR score anymore (a miracle would be nice though). Where ever I go next year, I want to be happy. Living in regrets will only screw you over and kill you soon enough. After securing a place at an institution, the four digits that almost killed you will no longer be important. I wouldn't say that 2010 has been the best or worst year, I believe that this year of VCE has been a learning one.

I strived for perfection at a young age. I would become absorbed in English and Maths workbooks that were lying around the house once I've grasped onto the basic concepts. I would cringe at the mistakes I've made in the exercise books that my mother and father would make up with their own math problems for me to solve. I was shown trophies from my cousins when all I recieved were certificates. I couldn't quit tutor for a year so I "could beat my cousins". At almost ten years old in chinese school, and I'd already begin crying over marks. In year 8, I started to record my results. In years 9 to 10 I had to prove to my parents that I didn't need a tutor to get me high grades.

I endured the pain of years 11 and 12.

Sadly, I am one of those people who are to be judged by numbers, therefore, I will always suffer.

*This post is poorly expressed, I was writing unconsciously.