October Thoughts

Writer's note: 

This is also my 250th post!! A big hug to all my special followers! Thank you for taking the time to read through my posts for the past years. I treat my Blogspot like a treasure chest, so I'm very fortunate to be able to share my memories and thoughts with your patience and generosity. I'll always be thankful to you guys!
Take care of your health and studies everyone! 

This is my October 2011 thoughts in three parts: Word Rant, Parents and The Other Side of Love.

Word Rant:

You’ve heard this line over and over; everyone is entitled to their opinion. Well, this is going to be my opinion on people who have opinions. At first, we’ll be introduced to something new whether it may be a new song, television show etc. One person likes it, the other does not. These things happen so when it comes to discussion time, it’s important to shut your mouth for a moment and listen to their reasons why they like/dislike whatever it may be. You shouldn’t feel the need to get all fired up and tense, but just simply state your reasons why you feel this way about the certain topic. I’m going to take those thoughts into account but it will be my own personal choice whether I will apply them or make up my own mind about it. It doesn’t hurt to hear two sides of the story, but don’t dare tell me to literally stop pursing my interest (unless of course, they are harmful). If I feel strongly about something, then I’m going to give you every right to voice out why you don’t feel the way I feel. By all means, you can throw insults if you were desperate enough.

As most of you know, I’m connected to the kpop world. I’ve heard just about everything – they’re gay, they look like girls, they’re pussies, they’re disgusting etc – but so far, the ones who tell me these things have never told me to stop liking them. Kpop is a part of me, and they are civilized enough to accept me for who I am. I’m not a huge fan of heavy metal music, but that doesn’t give me a cue to go and tell others to stop liking them. If you don’t like it, then don’t watch it/listen to it. Simple as that, so don’t go putting down others who aren’t the same as you.

Let it be. I’ve just of had it with selfish people.

Parents:

Most people know that I’d prefer raising a boy over a girl. Why? Whenever I think about having a girl, another one of me, it’s bewildering to wonder how my own mother tolerates me. I’m not the best daughter in the world; things have been carried out without her knowledge and consent (as we all have), but she’s still there for me no matter how many times I’ve screwed up. In the end, she’s the only mother I have.

There’s a home video of me spreading jam when I was four years old. My mother was the one holding the camera and asked me to explain what I was doing. I know she’ll cherish these moments forever. The daughter she saw through the camera at that time is still sometimes in her view today. All those missed calls, lectures, and silent treatments; the times when our relationship strained, I’m going to accept that these things happen. They just want to know if I’m okay and what time I’m coming home. My grandparents still call her phone when they begin to worry. So what about the parents that don’t have their own parents wondering where they are? Who calls them to see if they're okay? I’m still young and I’m not afraid to say that I still need her.

I was getting sick of missed calls myself and started complaining to my uncle. He told me a solution. My grandparents constantly called him too, so he started calling them back instead. He lets them know what’s happening and such so they can sleep easier for the night. That’s what I’ve started to do. I’d text my mum who I’m with and what I’m doing. After a couple of minutes, she’d call just to see what time I’d be home and then tells me to stay safe, but also have a good time too. At least this will keep her mind at peace. I don’t want to leave her wondering or stressed out. Face it, your parents are growing older each day and they’ve got almost another world to worry about.  

All they want is you to be okay. If I ever become a mother, there will be a part of me where I will push my children academically because I want them to have the best opportunities in life. I don’t want to be the Asian parent who’ll force them so hard for the sake of our family name. You know what I want? I want them to achieve their potential and say to myself “They’ll be alright…even when I’m no longer here.” We’re going to hurt at times and it’s going to suck, but I just…hope it’ll all be worth it.

Future child, if I ever bring you into the world know that you’ll never be alone. I’ll teach you right from wrong but I have to accept that you’re going to make your own mistakes as well. We’re human. We’ll be angry together. We’ll be happy together too. Oh! I must apologize in advance for my over protectiveness at times in your life! but you have to remember this, your mother will always love you.

The Other Side of Love:  

I must admit I’m becoming bitterer on the topic of love and relationships. My heart’s closing up again and I shouldn’t allow myself to bring down these walls so easily. I’m not going to expect so much now because as we all know, it just kills you when things don’t turn out your way. Sometimes it does get lonely when you’re single or when you don’t have anyone to just hold you for a long time. So what do you do? There is no other choice but to hold yourself together. Over time, you get stronger, you become independent and you won’t constantly rely on someone for your own happiness. As Tumblr states "If you’re not happy being single, then you’re not going to be happy when you’re with someone else". If they’re gone, you’re going to have nothing but yourself. I was so caught up with the sweet idea of falling in love that I didn’t think of the dark and dangerous part. You’re giving almost your whole heart to them and they can do whatever they want to it. They can break you down in pieces, and you know what the worse part of it is? At the end of the road, they’re not going to be there and help you put your heart back together. You’re going to do it yourself. This is the risk you’re going to take from day 1. 

This is the other side of love I now see: The end of it.