Blue Up

 

I feel like men are more romantic than women. When we get married we marry, like, one girl, 'cause we're resistant the whole way until we meet one girl and we think 'I'd be an idiot if I didn't marry this girl; she's so great.' But it seems like girls get to a place where they just kinda pick the best option... 'Oh, he's got a good job.' I mean, they spend their whole life looking for Prince Charming and then they marry the guy who's got a good job and is gonna stick around. 

Blue Valentine (2010)

Blue Valentine reminded me a little bit of Revolutionary Road. Both movies deal the realistic fall out of love and relationships. There are always these moments in life that say "How did we end up like this?, What happened?" - Thoughts that make you doubt the concept of "forever". Personally, I don't believe in forever. It makes people take things for granted. Sometimes even having too much love can be detrimental...when one doesn't feel the same. How can the most innocent and happiest of things turn into something so hurtful?

We're on our way, Ellie.

Up (2009)

Disney Pixar, you have done it again. I finally watched "Up" and. I. loved. it! It was absolutely adorable  and sweet with just about the right amount of tear - jerker moments that made me into an emotional mess. Sometimes I thought Up could have been a little distressful for the children! Pixar movies never fail to make me feel more things than ever compared to The Twilight Saga Movies... *nervous laughter* I really don't know how I'll be when I get around to Toy Story 3 now... 

May thoughts.

It is I, May 2012.

Meanwhile last year in May.

Instead of completing a 1000 word analysis on student learning, tonight will be the night when my writer’s block is no longer blocked. Well, maybe just for tonight. This is the final week of semester 1 for uni and yes I’m eagerly finishing off remaining assessments before the beginning of SWOT VAC next week (otherwise known as “dead week” in the US and Canada). Funny how the Scottish use “Swot” as “to sweat” but what does it mean to us Aussie kids? According to Wikipedia, it is an abbreviation for Study WithOut Teachers and Vac is short for vacation. Wow. Look at the irony of those two words. I have a sudden rush of hype just now, perhaps this is the Very Vanilla Chiller with a shot of coffee I consumed seven hours ago from Gloria Jeans. Keep in mind that I'm not a regular coffee drinker. Speaking of Gloria Jeans, I’ve been there for the past three Monday afternoons. I really want to try out the Italian Soda they have up on the board. It’s not actually the sweet taste I enjoy from soda/soft drinks; it’s the carbonated fizzy sensation on the tip of my tongue. Would anyone like to try it with me? I actually just want a sip, not really the whole $3.10 small cup thing. No I don’t actually take drugs and I’m not intoxicated by alcohol right now. One classmate asked me if I didn’t drink due to religious reasons. Nope, that’s why we call it the “Asian Flush”. I can count how many drinks I’ve had actually in my lifetime. 

- A couple of nasty sips at the dinner table with families. 

- Half a cup of rice wine to celebrate the end of Semester 1 exams last year. 

- One shot of Soju at a Korean bbq function. I could have gone for another shot, but I wasn’t going to test my alcohol tolerance with an 8am lecture the following morning. 

That’s about it really about me and alcohol. I need more clothes. I have two closets full of clothes that stand before me every morning and I see nothing. NOTHING. I want new jeans. I want more tops, especially oversized ones that droop all the way past your bottom. I’m pretty self - conscious around that area. It's like almost a dress shirt, I think they’re cute and comfortable. I also think I’m the only person who doesn't own a chiffon top with no sleeves. I don’t have maroon jeans either. Both of these items are moderately expensive. I’ll definitely purchase something after my exams. I’m setting a day for DFO Southwarf. No one can stop me, not that anyone will. I know a few who would be amazed to see me pull out my wallet at times. 

Been super increasingly envious of P plate drivers over the past few months, more so than I did last year when most people have just gotten them. I’m stuck on 14 hours lodged in my log book, okay…13.5 hours. I’ve actually done more than that, I swear! All those 5 – 10 minute road trips around town have not been recorded. I’m not a consistent driver. At times I’ll be really, really good with no bumps or times where I’d zone out at traffic lights. Then there are those moments where you just want to turn off the engine, pull out the keys, get out of the car and let someone else take over the wheel because you were this close in paying compensation. Parking gives me a headache too. I’ve got a driving instructor’s business card stuck to my fridge. I hope this new one (and cheaper might I add) doesn’t give me scratch marks on my wrist like the last one. I’m clocking up my hours this winter holidays – boot camp style. I want my P’s. I’m giving myself till the end of the year. The streets need another emotionally unstable short Asian female driver. 

Emotionally unstable. Emotions. Just going back to uni, I’ve got about three weeks left to study. The Psychology exam is worth 50% to my final grade and my Physiology exam is worth 30%. Once I’ve completed this week’s demand of online quizzes, in – semester test and group presentations; I’ll be actually eager to get cracking on these two subjects. I don’t have an exam for Education. Education is a new subject and language to me. I mean seriously, your mind would have been blown too if you were asked “How do you learn?” in the first lecture. Then you'd have to write up a 2,000 word response to it worthy of 50% for the semester. That’s education for you. I’m going to start looking for Community Placements in Semester 2 soon. That’s where my next Professional Practice will take place. My first pre – service teacher experience was at a primary school last month. I should finish the essay for that. Should. I’ll be sure to blog about my experience in detail on another night. Maybe for my community placement I could observe Pregnancy classes – how they teach mums to be, to be mums - or watch kids during swimming lessons? I’ll start looking at learning centres first in my local area. 

So I’ve written 857 words in a speed of light. Everything from my brain is pouring out tonight. No I lied, not really everything. There is something, more specifically, someone. It’s the first time I’ve mentioned about it here, which is something that has been going on for about two and a half months now. I know why I’ve refrained myself from writing about it. Looking back at my past posts, there are two main themes that lie common when it comes to being “in like” with someone. Firstly, there’ll be a post where I’m really happy. I’ll talk about all the cute things he does and everything in between that just makes me stupidly happy. Secondly, that person will leave and my writing soon becomes bitter and angry. This time I’m more careful. I don’t know what’s going to happen; if life has taught me one thing it’s that you should never expect so much. People leave and grow apart. I don’t know where this may lead to. I’m not going to pressure myself into believing something that may not even happen. Sometimes I’m pushing myself away from him for days. I’m scared to get close and I know he’s scared too. We’re like two lambs, if anything is abruptly towards us, we're going to run. Give us time, be patient and let things fall together. What am I saying? Have my soliloquy gone too crazy with absurd analogies? Right now I’m quite content with the way he treats me. 

Oh my legs…I’ve made them numb. I have a habit of crossing my legs together while at the desk. Apparently it’s not entirely a good thing. Not only will I restrict a certain minute amount of blood flow function, it’s not the best sitting position to give your brain more thinking power. You should instead have your both feet flat on the floor. Okay. 1,169 words for this post tonight. When your assignments and exams are to be everything, I tend to horribly give everything else more potential. If you've made it this far, you’ve practically read my mind on this Monday ni-…oh nope, Tuesday morning. Thank you. 

Good morning readers, I hope you all have a lovely day.  

The month in five photos: 

Rainy bus rides home. 

This egg and bacon muffin tastes like cardboard :( 

This is Robbie.
Cousin Wesley has been bringing his new puppy to our place for a couple of weeks now. It's only four months old and bites everything in sight. Our family can never stay mad at it though. 

New baby notebook!
I'm perving again. 

Started Project 365
Take a picture every day of the year, become a better photographer and never forget a day in your life.

Hair grows.

Before

After

Once again, I welcome back the fringe and say goodbye to a hand's length of hair....I'm smiling but on the inside, I'm suffering from post - haircut trauma. I'm going to invest in a few pairs of headbands now. Hair grows. Six months later and we'll do it all again. Hair grows. It's okay. Hair grows. 

Petrichor

Most of my friends tell me how they dislike the gloomy, cloudy and wet weather of Melbourne. I'm one of those people who in fact actually love the sound, smell and sight rain. The heavier it'd pour and roar, the better I'd feel. One of my favourite sounds in the world are raindrops racing down the rooftops. Asides the smell of freshly baked bread, the scent of rain is hauntingly invigorating - I'd inhale hard enough that the icy chills rush into my system. I'd rather walk home under an umbrella. Grey skies are good skies.

...

Amazing cover of Lady Antebellum's Need You Now by Chris Puth & Emily Luther

 ♥ ♥ ♥

Goodbye April

Welcome 

The month of birthdays. 

The month before exams. 

The month before exams. 

The month before exams. 

Exams. 

Exams. 

Exams. 

I bid adieu to Tumblr, Facebook and normal sleeping patterns!

Good luck everyone on their final assessments! ...or cram like you've never crammed before! 

So you can be the one I love. 

I can be the one you long for. 

You can be the one I want...want. 

And you can be the one I love. 

This could be our world wide open. 

You can be the one I want...want. 

You could be the one - Late Night Alumni 

Just.

"I can't borrow the book for you. My friends think I like you or something, but I don't. I don't want us to be awkward. I'm not sure. We're just friends...phew, thought you'd be angry at me." 

"This isn't easy for me, but all those things I did - yes, they do seem a bit close but I didn't want to leave you with the wrong impression. I don't want to keep hurting you. It's just that I've been getting a lot of shit from others lately. We're just friends...Good. Stay happy, just don't text me and don't spend time with me one on one. I'm not the one." 

No. Fuck You for breaking my heart. 

For being selfish. 

For leading me on. 

For being bored. 

For leaving me without a word. 

For ignoring my messages. 

For feeding your ego. 

For crippling your pride. 

For the hurt you've caused. 

For the words you've feed me. 

For destroying the songs you've played to me. 

For making me believe in love. 

For giving chances. 

For the hope and patience I've endured. 

For the sleepless nights. 

For building the walls around my heart. 

For getting attached. 

For trusting you. 

To any guy who's going to fuck me over again, GO. JUST GO. LEAVE. PLEASE. 

...

It's not fair. I'm still hurt and I'm still tired. Worst of all - you don't even give two cents about me anymore either. Don't try and fix things when they're not broken in the first place. Stay friends? Really? You've got to be kidding me: "Friends" who won't help you or accept one innocent text. Total bullshit. I don't know who you are or what you've become anymore.

I absolutely hate that terrifying feeling when you realize you're starting to get attached to someone. It just takes one assumption (from others), and everything "normal" gets ruined. Then here comes the one thing I prayed you wouldn't do. You'll give me the "Just friends" talk while comforting me with the fact that everything will be okay. Of course in the end, we'll never speak of it or to each other again. I get it. I'm not worth it. YOU'RE the one who deserves better. Thought you'd be different, something special and amazing. Thought you wouldn't be like the other guys. I was lonely, you were bored and needed attention and security. I was stupid enough to give it to you. Didn't know that was part of the game. Too stupid. I'm a joke too right? You'd rather save yourself, YOUR IMAGE than introduce me as someone important - the one who actually gave a flying fuck when others didn't. I actually thought you'd...never mind. They say that I'm just one heartbreak away from true love. Well it's hard to trust one now in the first place and I'm sick of the bullshit drama they create in front of me. This time, I won't fall so hard and so easy. Am I scared? No, I'm just not hoping anymore. 

Fall down twice, stand up three times. 

Let me get this straight.

If you start talking to me everyday and night, I'm obviously gonna get attached to you. Even if I never planned to in the first place, I will. So before you start getting close to me, make sure that you won't just suddenly leave me . Cause you know, that happens to me a lot. 

Source

It's not fucking fair, goodbyes freaking hurt. I'm not letting go. I'm not going to lose you. 

It's not goodbye. 

Titanic (1997)

You're a spoiled little brat, even, but under that, you're the most amazingly, astounding, wonderful girl, woman that I've ever known....

I'm not an idiot, I know how the world works. I've got ten bucks in my pocket, I have no - nothing to offer you and I know that. I understand. But I'm too involved now. 

You jump, I jump remember? 

I can't turn away without knowing you'll be all right...

That's all that I want. 

Went to see this bad boy of a movie yesterday in 3D with Sophia and Uy. The day not only marked Sophia's 19th birthday, it was also the 100th anniversary of the launching of the Titanic voyage. We smuggled in KFC into the cinema and were already emotionally moved by the music in the opening credits. I hugged Uy's arm for the remaining two hours of this three hour movie. She didn't move an inch and never told me that her arm had turned into jelly, yet she still allowed me to hold it so tightly. Aw poor girl! I'm so sorry!