Snip!

To all my short haired friends, I finally did it! 

No more "maybe next week" or "I don't think I'm ready" anymore. I feel so liberated with a whole heap of hair gone. I don't even remember the last time I had hair this short. I had missed the feeling of the razor nuzzling on my neck, although now it's very cold there. I'm so happy! There are no tears here. 

On my way to the hairdressers. 

This is very last photo of my long, naturally wavy and untamed hair. 

That is all mine. ALL MINE. 

...and the final product of the evening...

Tada! 

Cheers to no more spending those extra minutes in front of the mirror and quicker showers.  

Finding lost time.

The post title above derives from DBSK's 2006 Banjun Theater Drama. Oh how I missed those innocent days where the boys wore baggy jeans, loose tops and hair that well, by having a thick luscious fringe would go get the ladies. Asides from the nostalgic setting now, here the plot follows Park Yoochun who is reunited with his long ago high school friend, Hong Soohyun. She admits to him she is the one who was responsible for the fall out between him and his best friend Lee Sungmin - for they both fancied her at the time (typical or what?). If they could go back, she wishes for the two to make up for the lost time spent apart from each other. 

The concept of "finding lost time" has always been an intriguing and curious mindset. I'm fascinated by moments that could have been, would have been and maybe should have been. Where did these moments of supposed happenings have gone to? You're left finding yourself with missed opportunities and disappointment when it's all too late. Nothing can ever recreate that moment for you to rethink and take back or give all your actions. The regrets and the "what ifs?" all sink in, consuming you to the degree of the quote "Worry is just a misuse of imagination". You can't kill time because time only passes. 

I'm going to the dusty vault of my memories for this post. Picture me walking into a cob web covered wine cellar and pulling out the bottle not well known to others and kept under my breath. This is a time and here is my story.

...
It's been four years since we've first met and for the remaining three years we had no contact at all even till this day. Yet, I can still replay our time together over and over in my head. I still remember so clearly that cheeky smile of yours. 

We went to tutor every Sunday for a year. I was very young and nothing was more important than my homework. So it wasn't a surprise that I didn't take notice of you even though at times you'd be sitting right in front of me. Then I remembered the first thing you spoke to me. 

"Take a break (from work)". 

The ice had broken and just like that a very simple friendship brewed, nothing more or less. Laughs and smiles were always exchanged and sometimes a few wise words of advice. It ended on the last day of term where you were headed to university and I was preparing for my final year of high school. We both didn't swap each others contact details. We didn't have phones back then and I remembered you didn't really associate with social networking at that time when everyone asked for your details. This may be due to shyness or it's simply just part of your norm but it's the part where I still kick myself for it today for not exchanging any kinds of contact. 

I admit I've been fixated on this person for years. We both departed on mutual terms and we had never fought. Perhaps it's the idea of never seeing someone again and then you just pray that fate comes and puts you both back in the same time frame (kudos to OUAT references!). How I'd imagine us meeting again in a coffee shop cafe far away and we'd just start all over again. Just maybe, even this friendship of ours could have been so much more. This was a time too abrupt and I'm astounded that I should have realized earlier. Maybe I could have gone back to last day and did something different but it's just all too late. You've left me wanting more and I've fallen into a state of pure infatuation and delusions. I don't even know your surname or where you've been or anything at all and I probably never will. 

He is not a stranger, but this feels so strongly as if I'm missing someone who's never been in my life before. All this lost time between us is unfortunate and it'll only take a miracle to reclaim something a little precious. 

Wherever you are in this world, someone is always waiting for you. This is my lost time. Till we meet again. Take care. 

...

"You think you die alone, but that’s not true. Nobody is alone in this world. 

We have to coexist and take care of each other."

Azusa Hayano

Aokigahara  Suicide Forest Geologist

A very Yen-ry post.

A cosy catch up at Gloria Jeans with white hot chocolate (which was not sweet enough!) 

Prawn sticks

Impulsive Yumcha lunch of only four dishes across the road. 

Matcha Green Tea Latte & Grapefruit Green Tea - CHATIME

Shopping, and with a very refreshing end. 

Yen's belated Valentine's Day card. It's the best. I love it.

Senoritas.

Last night I downloaded the app: Period Tracker Lite for free from Itunes and I must say, it is the cutest way of keeping a record of your period! After three months of input data, the app will re-assess and personalize future period start dates as your default. I think that's all I can infer, the app itself is pretty self - explanatory. It also gives you discreet notifications when the time comes. Along with this new app, I'm still going to do it the old fashion way and circle the dates on my calendar. 

"Don't hold your breath"

It's not you, it's me.

1. People who spend 95% of their time talking to someone they prefer over you while you're right there in front of them - with no introduction whatsoever. 
2. People who FB invite you to their birthday who won't even acknowledge a single greeting or even a NOD in public. Why is then okay for us to act all familiar when it's your birthday? 
3. Also, people who don't even acknowledge your existence while you two are classified as "friends" on the internet. 
4. Selfish pricks. 
5. When I can hear people's dubstep music through their headphones on public transport.
6. People who get fucked over and over. 
7. People who fuck people over and over. 
8. Surprise trivia group quizzes. Oral presentations. 
9. When the unit doesn't show your mark. 
10. Slow processing of any form of paperwork. 
11. Professors who can't spell for sh*t. 
12. Facebook invites to games. 
13. Sponsored Ads appearing on my Newsfeed. 
14. Timeline. 
15. When a Youtube video doesn't load quickly. 
16. Shameless and constant promoting. 
17. Putting jeans / leggings / trousers, anything except pyjama bottoms straight after showering is a sticky hassle. 
18. Putting on shoes that are wet. 
19. Slang on the internet. Slang on my phone. Slang. Swag. Seeing "YOLO" hoodies at Supre. 
20. #Unnecessary #annoying #hash #tags #every #where #I #dont #stupid. 
21. Lab demonstrators who don't even know what's going on. 
22. Weird clubbing photos on my newsfeed. 
23. A diary entry as a Facebook status update. 
24. Facebook. 
25. Slow walkers in the direction towards public transport. 
26. Stations that don't protect awaiting passengers from the blizzard cold. 
27. Mysteriously hidden female toilets I am yet to find next to the laboratory!
28. Lame quotes for cover photos. 
29. Finding out your lamb wrap is actually a chicken wrap.
30. Discovering the fact that you don't find milkshakes as pleasing. 
31. Anyone who openly admits they're romantic. You don't need to tell others you're all that, people will know it themselves. It's an unspoken fact that you're romantic, and that to me - is romantic. 
32. Crazy teenagers getting engaged. 
33. Shady people. Two faced. People who with prince / princess syndrome. 
34. When you don't have the guts yet to delete someone off Skype because they'll know. 
35. Having the "Edited" option on FB comments. 
36. Those who just bash the hell out of your favourite TV show, music, book, idol / celebrity or anything saying "It's a stupid show. I don't like it cause it's shit. It's not my liking because blah blah blah." and then insists on pointing out and explaining every minute detail that is deemed somewhat wrong. Fair enough you like oranges and I like apples, and the fact that you have tried; but don't go on and on or be up in my face how your ORANGES are BETTER. My personal interests aren't hurting anyone right? So zip it. Don't want to hear it.   
37. Throwing everything that you say back in your face, i.e: how their opinion is more important than yours. Worse if they find something to trap your words, so your say is tossed out the window.  
38. When the things you need are out of your reach. 
39. Dust. 
40. When there's only 9 Tim Tam biscuits in a standard packet. 
41. My eternal hunger. 
42. The amount of filth innocent little children can create, and leave behind for you to clean up.  
43. Those tiny fruit flies that linger around your computer screen ONLY when your room is dark. 
44. Thongs and tracksuit pants. Crocs (except on toddlers). Jeans and runners. Skirts and singlets in the cold. Trying to unsee erect nipples through clothing. 
45. Sudden drops of liquid on your head or face when being stationary under buildings. 
46. Those who do only good nature deeds with the outright expect of having something same or even greater in return. 
47. No more chips in the pantry. 
48. Unnecessary movie sequels! 
49. Irregular bowel movements. 
50. People who think other people are incapable of possessing any kind of knowledge or simply "lower" than them because they have better etc. What happened to being humble? 
51. What happened to chivalry? 
52. The daring idea of walking up to someone with the intention of becoming the romantic aspect of their lives is now discouraged by society today. It's kind of creepy. 
53. Proceeding to complete a mindless task due to procrastination. 
54. Stop calling Rose a bitch because she did not promise to never "let go" of Jack physically off the floating wooden door. She promised to not let go of that promise of her growing old and dying warm in her bed for Jack. Jack did not make her promise to not let go of him into the water. 
55. Watching something horrible when you can't turn away. 
56. Being infatuated with a fictional character that is dead. 
57. When people spell my surname wrong. 
58. Finding out Alex Pettyfer has trust issues...issues. 
59. That look when your hairdresser gives when he/she knows they've stuffed it up. 
60. Myki. 
61. When water still gets through your shower cap. 
62. Getting newspaper ink on your fingertips. 
63. Mentally breaking down when someones starts with "I heard something...(but it's not about you or us!)"
64. Sucky wifi. Absolute suck. 
65. Bratty kids who hate their parents because they didn't get the newest gadget for Christmas. Kids who actually call their parents "bitch" or abuse them. 
66. Accidentally dropping food on the floor. 
67. People who don't say please or thank you! MANNERS DON'T COST A THING. 
68. Warm seats...and the lady who said "I've warmed it up for you" to her friend as he sat down on her chair in the restaurant last Friday... 
69. Getting sad because you're at your last bite of food. 
70. Boys.
71. The mini anxiety attack you get when someone asks you to spell something correctly. 
72. That one crinkled page in your book. 
73. Rivers Ads. 
74. Always loosing your lip balms or chapstick so you're back to using Vaseline for the time being. 
75. Shipping a couple so hard you forget what your name was. 
76. When there's no more soap left in the soap dispenser. 
77. Too many things hanging on walls. 
78. All those who's ever said "ching chong" to me. 
79. Awkwardly scraping your bag, back or butt when trying to get through people. 
80. When I walk out of my house and a duck pokes me in the eye. 

There's definitely more and universal to all, but I'll just leave a bit of me here. 

Then I just look at this .gif and smile ~ 

Goodbye Winter

Hello 

Springtime 

! 

{In my leisure mind}

Fresh Meat (2011)
"Comedy drama series from the creators of Peep Show about the hilarious, and often painful, truths of being a student."

JunCurryAhn 
"Jun Sung Ahn is a Korean American violinist currently residing in Chicago, Illinois." 







Found these cute pics of Olivia Hussey and Leonard Whiting
Romeo & Juliet (1968) 

 

29 days left till Once Upon A Time Season 2 

• Finished placements at the aquatic centre.  
• Half way through the semester.  
• Abandoned Skype. 
• Chocolate cravings...all the damn time.

More reasons why FB sucks.

Congratulations. 

Facebook will now give you updates of who's who getting together. 

As a permanent notification. 

So no more hiding from your friends! because we're going to be reminded of this special event for you two love birds, for the whole day. 

 

The month that was: August

August, a month that says you're so close to the Summer, yet so far. I have just survived Survival Week for Semester 2, a term founded by the university where students are given the opportunity to re-collect or gain more advice on support services, employment, finance, healthy living and study tips. Basically, it's a week to get your shit together if you haven't already. 

In the library. 

CPR Practical - Completed a First Aid Training course, with certificates and all plus a handy portable face mask just in case! One student actually fainted during the practical...

You can count on me like 1,2,3 and I'll be there, TO GIVE YOU CPR. 

Going home from uni. 

It was actually my first time walking out of uni at night on Friday trying to complete my assignment. 

Food Adventure Fridays (FAF) with Linda. 

So I had two assignments, one worth 50% of the final mark and one online quiz due in the same week. I was kicking myself all week asking myself why I haven't started the assignment earlier. During these stressful periods, I would often find myself sipping small cups of hot beverages (hot chocolate / chai latte)  in the early morning. I wasn't the type of person who'd buy these drinks, or even enter a cafe two years ago! but now I must admit that I am quite hooked, and I really need something to get me through the day. The assignment was due Friday night 9pm. I managed to submit my piece at 8:50pm. I swear I would never put myself through this rush again. Knowing how unreliable the uni's intranet is, I was worried that the servers might crash and my assignment wouldn't upload (or it did but it gets lost in the internet). Luckily, for now I suppose - everything was in by the door. I felt as if a weight has been lifted. It's the same feeling you get when your assignment is being printed out and you're there violently fist pumping. 

I also had my first group oral presentation during the week this year. Here's the thing about me and public speaking, I spend more time trying to piece words together in my brain to make sense than actually remembering the stuff. I have everything in dot point forms on my cue cards or powerpoint. Just not the fluency and delivery of words I intend to possess. Another thing that I loathe about public speaking is question time. You're always giving a stare that says "No, please don't ask any questions!", the same stare a deer has before it's hunter. We were all in an incredible state of vulnerability, with some questions leaving us with no choice but to say "Sorry, we didn't research into that part.". Overtime I will work with my public speaking, because this is an inevitable requirement for almost every job out there. 

On the 8th of the 8th month, we welcomed a new guest to the family. A small, humble Jack Russell puppy roughly around the age of two months wandered into our backyard. This was due to my fault for forgetting to  shut the gate when I left for work that afternoon. While oblivious to this happening, my grandma had left the gate open in case the puppy would decide to walk out of our house and continue on to wherever he was to go. Instead, he stayed there till the sun came down. As I came home, I stopped in my tracks at the door. I was scared that he was going to be an aggressive one, but my mother came out and told me that it was okay and that he was harmless. 

Two weeks later and we've decided to look after him...forever. I've bought him two dog squeaky toys (both which have been chewed up and no longer squeaks) and a green leash with a bell so we could hear it around the house or outside. I've taught him how to sit for food and he would curl up into a ball of fur and sleep if I ever placed it on my lap. After eating his dinner, he'd jump into his crate and sleep. I give him lots of love each day and he gives it back too. He is the third dog to call our place home. Benji, our Maltese past away when I was in prep and Kandy (maltese/shih tzu) in Year 11. 

I've written all these things that he does but I didn't even mention a name! His name is Coffee, we named him after the light brown patches all over his (becoming fat) body. 

 Handwritten and delivered letters from Sophia | Magic Mike with Lan

Stephinee's nail polish collection | Weekly visits to Ikea with the family

For the past month, I've been focusing on myself. I'm reorganizing my priorities and how I shouldn't become so dependent on someone else for my happiness. Saying goodbye to people who never really cared about losing you in their life has never made me felt more at ease. I'd expect myself to be heartbroken and devastated, but this time - I feel more relieved that I'm able to realize their true self now, than finding out later in the long run. Well, I did eat heaps of chocolate and watched a couple of romantic movies before getting sick of the genre just to help with the moving on process. I'm going to be on my own for a while, I need to. It doesn't mean I'm going to push away love forever, I'm more aware of what I deserve. 

In a couple of hours, I am about to start my community placements at a local swimming pool. I'll be observing and analyzing swimming lessons over the next two weeks. In the email, it read "You might want to bring your bathers to get a better perspective from a teacher / student's view". Honestly, I haven't been in a swimming pool for six or so years and with the body I've managed to be nestled in...I'm scared I'll scar some innocence. Just kidding, I need to find some board shorts and a shirt. 

I have 23 hours lodged in my log book! 

Stages.

From that point on, we were at Stage 2: The Chase. Some say it’s the best part. All I wanted was to know more about her. All I wanted to do was to hang out with her. The only person I wanted to talk to was her. She was the number one priority. And every time I saw her, butterflies. She was everything that I thought could be perfect in a girl. And as soon as it felt right… 

Bottom line is someone stops trying and feelings aren't as strong as before. 

...

To hell with all this. Third time unlucky. This feeling is all too familiar to me, and yet for the first time I've only realised now that I don't deserve this. No one does. No one deserves to get ignored or forgotten in one go without any reasonable explanation. Or maybe I have? Please tell me what I've been doing that I just had to be abandoned again in the span of two years. Perhaps the mistake is that I've allowed myself to trust you. I got sucked in with all the cute texts and calls, and even the thought of you just being there was comforting. The heart wants what it wants. I'm throwing in the towel, I can't put this emotional turmoil on me anymore. I'm not going to play the waiting game again or any kind of stupid mind games. 

You either want me to be a part of your life or not. Simple as that. Two weeks was all it took to show me what I really meant to you. From day one I told myself to be careful. My friends told me to be careful, but what does that actually mean? What do I actually do? I was trying so hard not to get hurt again that I had to question every happiness I had with you because I wasn't sure of our future. I'm sorry for being scared of you sometimes. I'm sorry for being like this, but I knew maybe long enough one day I'd be truly happy with you. 

As so I thought. 

I'm sick of being pushed away by anyone. So guess what? I'm tired of seeing your name too. I'm hiding your name on Skype, unsubscribing to you on Facebook and deleting your number off my phone to stop myself from initiating any small talk. I told myself, if you really wanted to talk to me - you'd find a way...like you use to. Actually, if you really wanted to talk to me: don't just text me, don't just call me, don't leave messages on my wall - just come out and see me. 

I don't need anyone in my life who doesn't need me. 

I had a singe of hope that you'd be different, the one who'd prove why the people in the past never worked. I'm not letting you make or break my day. Do you even want to talk to me anymore? It seems that I'm being such a bothersome part of your life lately that you couldn't even spare an apology or a sentence when I waited three hours for your reply to my text, "Can you come out? I'm free." You'll probably think "I never asked you to ask me to hang out. I'm not doing anything wrong." Well, any decent human being of a friend wouldn't reply with one word to an invitation. It was pretty damn clear to me that it'd be a no within the first hour so I just went home. 

Go back to the life you had before we met, because the ability to remember is a curse itself. Forget those plans we had for the summer together, forget about my birthday too. I don't expect anything from you anymore. 

Goodbye.