Winter holidays 2013

Hello there blogettes! Semester one is finally done and dusted and I am officially a free child for the next five weeks. Time to consecutively fall back into my 12+ hours sleeping pattern and movie marathons till my parents find me brain dead in bed with the laptop still running. It's up to my family and friends to save me this winter!

• Hostage movie marathon with S.  
• Warm Bodies with L. 
• Ikea date with L & S. 
• City shopping spree with S . 
• Post exams dinner and drinks. 
• Hot springs.
• Starbucks catch up with W, M & S. 
• Catch up with L. 
• 1000 Steps. 
• Paint mugs at Y's house with S & J. 
• S&S catch up.
• Snow street festival. 
• Grand Union Cinema with S. 
• S's house.
• Work dinner. 

• Cinemas with family.
• Print out family photos.
• Reach 4km in 40 min. 
• Boxhill with family. 
• Purchase belated birthday gifts.
• Write a letter to J. 

I write about it here http://k-hameday.tumblr.com/

Introverted problems

Mentally exhausted. 

Things are becoming too overwhelming for me...
I have to remember it's okay to feel this way.

Goodbye June

At exactly one year ago, I wrote this:

I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed today, or my hormones are being a total bitch. Maybe both. Today is shit. 
I want to leave this place. 
I want to stay in bed for the whole day. 
I don't want to do anything. I don't give a fuck.

Woah, hold up. What was I thinking? Why was I so mad that day? It honestly feels as if I've just been slapped in the face when I re-read this. Whatever rut I was emotionally stuck in, the sense of hostility between the lines is disturbingly intriguing. Today, I'm here. I'm different. I can fortunately state that 2013 has so far brought me better days. My mind has become a lot clearer. I no longer feel trapped underneath conscious weights as frequently as before. However, I'd be a definite fool to make such promises to never feel the dark again. My former self serves as a reminder to the inevitable suffering in life. Everyone is damned. There is no escape from it. Life is suffering. Suffering is life. One day, I will return to the above state of mind again. Be glad, mad or sad. Time changes everyone. 

Ruby Sparks (2013)

"I'm sorry for every word I wrote to change you, I'm sorry for so many things. I couldn't see you when you were here and now that you're gone, I see you everywhere." 

Ruby Sparks was genius.

Winter is here.

Hello internet. I recently realized that the phrase "Winter is coming" was actually the first episode of Game of Thrones. I haven't started the series just yet, as well as many other shows my friends have been eagerly watching. These nights so far have been spent on readings and lectures in preparation for the dreaded exams happening in two weeks. After all this uni stuff, I'll put up my annual Winter holiday list! 

Study hard and good luck everyone. I shall be back on the other side. 

Source

"After changing to fit into society, you are eventually going to want your old self back sooner or later" 

Hrmph

Called the school up four times and still couldn't reach  my mentor. 

Felt as if I was sucked inside a hurricane.

No available subs yet.

For every shi**y moment 

Warmth of freshly printed paper.

$2 Bacon muffins.

My Virtual Child was a success. 

Bumped into a mate.

Sparkling water.

Strawberry frogurt.

list two good things 

that happened in your day. 

Goodbye April

Hello all!

I sense that everyone's been in hiding for the past few weeks due to study and that's okay! I too have been caught up with the demands of uni and with only one more month till exam time...I'm going to lose all my hair and go bald. These nights I've been burning the midnight oil, along with Mix 101.1 Love Song Dedications to keep me company into the wee morning. You can never go wrong with Richard Mercer. I'm also an avid listener to Smooth 93.1. Easy listening soothes the soul, although listening to music while working isn't really deemed a good habit in my opinion...At times I'd commit myself to silence and focus and then I'll be flexible here and then depending on how easy the task is I suppose. 

Speaking of uni, I was in my developmental psych lecture yesterday and there was a video on babies in particular to Piaget's stages of learning. Then the following conversation occurred. 

Brain: I'm so doing that to my kid.

Brain: Wait a minute, you're going to perform tests on your own child?

Brain: I'm their parent, I give consent to ME. 

Brain: Poor child. Poor, poor child. 

Brain: But he/she doesn't even exist yet! 

Brain: ...I feel sorry for your partner. Oh wait. 

Psychology is doing my brain I swear. Today I found out where my placements will take place in a week's time. I've been informed by a previous student and friend that the teachers are nice there, and to go "ghetto" on the students. Not even sure how I'll respond if my mentor is willing to let me teach a lesson. Ha. One more week. Ha. I'm Mr. "Schneebly" from the School of Rock. I. am. nervous.

...

WHILE ON THE INTERNET 

This should be FRAKING MOVIE. 

Time to say goodbye to American Horror Story: Asylum! and that weird alien plot. Thank goodness that's over. I can't wait for the next season, COVEN. Based on the events in Salem, this is the only time I'll thank Year 12 English text studies. Honorable mention of Adam Levine for Sophie. His arm gets torn off.

My hur

Approx 6 months difference!

Many people have been commenting on how fast my hair grows! At the moment I'm at the awkward middle length stage. It can be annoying at times, but should I risk cutting it all off again now or suck it up and leave it long (and then cutting it off)? If I cut it now I'll have this problem again in half a years time. I'm always conflicted by these two ideas. I really do think that short hair suits me better, as well as it being convenient...hrm... 

I think I'll leave it for now. I'm in no rush to get them chopped off. Maybe after mid year exams? 

Goodbye March

I'd like to "re-" introduce myself to you today. 

I'm not good with "About Me" descriptions on social platforms since I'd usually throw in a quote and let other people decipher their perception on me there. I'll even say right now that I loathe ice breakers. I've got a few minutes to recite what I'll say, before being the person in the class with everyone's eyes on. I know you're all judging me silently. Okay here it goes, it's your turn Karen. 

I'm Karen; an old fashioned Danish name my uncle came up with that had a similar pronunciation to my Chinese name. I'm Australian born Chinese. My Chinese skills are broken into little pieces thanks to the prominent English here. My prep teacher told my parents that I couldn't speak English but they didn't care. I would eventually be blabbering away the second language from the countless hours I spent in front of the television. I'm 20. Daniel Radcliffe is three years older than me and has already made 11 movies. I've done nothing as spectacular. 

Sometimes I'd suddenly remember about the three moles I have on my right cheek (the top one doesn't count because it's an acne scar) and the jade bracelet I've worn on my left wrist since I was seven. I was sitting in an inflatable pool in the backyard and grandma thought it was the best time to slide it onto my wrist. I don't like wearing bracelets other than this one. I have dimples, but only when someone points them out and I go "Oh yeah I do I have dimples!". These small unconscious things are just that - something I live with everyday but don't actually remembering living with.

Vividly conscious, I feel fat all the time. If not for the relatives who look at my eating as a way of just asking to be fatter than I already was, then it's the reflection in the mirror. The brutal image that stands before me. I'm silent, but my body in the mirror is screaming words in my head. You're a size ***, you should be a size **. What you eat in private is what you wear in public. Forget about wearing jeans, or pants even. Button it up, no one wants to see that. Forget about tank top season, your arms are a tragedy. Cover that part up. More layers. Why did you eat that last night? Now look what you've done to yourself. I feel like the freaking size of Jupiter even when I stand next to strangers. You wouldn't know how emotionally damaging the term fat can be to me. Eating became more of a crime than ever. Then I realized I did not ask to be fat. To counteract those nasty thoughts I've incorporated better lifestyle choices. I've still got a long way to go and it's my endurance which never fails to amaze me. So I'll laugh off the fat comments, but shut the fuck up you don't know that my legs can carry me for miles every week and still want to keep running. I'm trying to move my mindset into a better place because I'm done feeling sorry for myself. There's nothing more satisfying than proving my worth and them wrong. 

I'm currently studying secondary education and psychology. I didn't consider much thought on a teaching profession after high school until working under a tuition centre. Students became instrumental to me so I transferred and combined my interest in science with education. Why psychology? I'll have to thank my VCE psych teacher for that. He was hopeful and humble, and brains were cool. Another long hard journey ahead but I'll make it one day. Lesson planning for lyf come at me. So that's my academic life in a nutshell (I won't ramble on anymore on this because you're not actually interviewing me for a job...are you? just kidding. Keep reading for juicy parts ahead?).

I CAN BE YOUR ULTIMATE FANGIRL. Often I'd have bursts of being horribly clingy. I will flood your phone with messages. They will most likely be in CAPS LOCK. Let me know you'll be late so I won't have panic attacks alone without you. I will call you eight, ten, eleven times. I will use CAPS LOCK on Twitter and your Facebook. ONE TEXT MESSAGE CAN SAVE ME OR I'LL PRESUME YOU'RE DEAD. I don't like leaving online convos first because I believe people will get angry. I like hugs. Everyone gets a hug. If I love you long enough, you'll get the marriage/dating package with bonus jealousy and insults! The fiance deal is already out of stock.  I CAN BE YOUR ULTIMATE FANGIRL. Our lives are getting busier and busier, so after a really good catch up I feel like shooting out rainbows to show everyone....sadly I can't do that so I'll just squirm happily inside. I CAN BE YOUR ULTIMATE FANGIRL.

...Is there a boyfran you fangirl over???!! 

I've never had a boyfriend. No ones ever fancied me enough to tell me that they actually liked me. I've tried a few times but they all left before shit got too deep = becoming the boyfriend/girlfriend label. Two years of mindfucking and all that's come of it are embarrassing crushes and a waste of time. Never held hands with anyone either. What probably would be the most romantic thing that has happened was him* saying “For you, I’m going to cut in front of that car because you’re busting for the toilet.” That’s nice I suppose. Then there was that awkward time when he** suddenly swung me close under his chin and I automatically pulled away. It was on the train geez...I am terrible. 

Honest to God I have no one in mind right now and let’s keep it that way! I am in no rush to pursue anyone. Occasionally I’d feel lonesome here and there, but it's better off being alone than being with the wrong person.

Alright I'm going to write insanely fast for the last five minutes! 

Nicholas Hoult and Ryan Gosling are my main men. I'd marry both in a jiffy. My friends have accepted my relationship with these two no matter how emotionally unhealthy it has been. I can’t give a definite answer on my favourite movie or song, however I’m happy to show you my playlist or hard drive and configure which ones I’d enjoyed. I cut people out of my life just like that. My hair grows fast. Mascara, lip balm and moisturizer are the only things I consider to be “make up” for my face. I don’t do anything else. I’m pro on weekly skin care. I’m a huge procrastinator. I love the internet way too much. I contribute millions of views to my favourite Youtube videos. I get angry. I swear online more. I had a good childhood, 90's kid style. I hate the doctor because I’m always fearing for the worst news. Death is ambiguous to me because I’m more scared of what’s going to happen after. Keep your sex life tasteful if you’re going to describe it to me. I don't want to be scarred for life. I'm intrigued by fetish documentaries on morbidly obese women , dolls, and inanimate objects. I like documentaries especially the ones on the ABC Channel. I don't like people who think they're all that. Skins, Once Upon A Time, Community, The Big Bang Theory, My Fat Mad Diary, American Horror Story. I cut my hair short because I could. I do get weird pains in my boobs and think I'm having a heart attack. I like cloudy weather. I have to get a move on with my essays. I can hate, cry, laugh and love. My mum still talks about that that one guy I use to like. I don't believe in forever, or even love at first sight. Horoscopes are trivial, they're not real. I like pastel colours and red. ALWAYS MOISTURIZE. 

Don't fuck with me, or anyone. Everyone's got their own battle.
No pain, no gain.
Hello April.