Leaving

I wish just for once someone won't establish a time limit on me. A guy that won't look at me and then in a couple months or so wake up and forget about my existence. From having the almost everyday of us - it turns into once a week, once a month and if I'm really lucky, once a year. Words get shorter. Words get ignored. Why am I the one always being left? What did I do to make it not okay (anymore)? Do you know how pathetic I feel? I'm here blaming myself for all that went wrong and so distant. Seeing your name on my phone or online, gives me the urge to press call and do anything that can reach you. Unfortunately, you won't even give two cents to reach me back. I've initiated so many times for us to see each other face to face, trying to keep us together yet you keep walking. I don't know what else to do, a conversation doesn't even feel like one anymore if I'm the one always starting it first. I'm tired. I expect too much. I'm disappointed in myself for expecting too much. My heart is so stupid, always telling itself that this time it'll be different and that I just have to wait. Always wanting something we can't have, it's the greedy part of humans. 

Maybe it'd be okay for someone to say to me "If you miss me, you're allowed to call me first." It's not about the "crush" feelings that I wished to be reciprocated, I want to know that I'm still important to you in any way. I don't want to rely on a coincidental bump on the streets to get a hello from you. Is that too selfish to ask? I am still waiting for that one person in my life who'll prove that I'm worth it. Imagine that? someone who won't give up on me or leave my side for whatever reason - even if it may doubt his pride. From now on, anyone who wants to leave me can do so. Fighting for us will be an temporary option until there is nothing left but to move on. I'll have memories of you. I trust that you'll be okay. I'll re-read old conversations and visiting places that we went to together will be a nostalgic experience. That's all I'll have of you, but I won't keep them forever. Overtime, as cruel as aging can be, I'll forget everything. You were the one that left me. I'll stop thinking about what we could have had. You'll become a faint moment in my life and then everything will be gone. I'll just remember your smile and your touch. 

Is there a forever for me? I don't know, I've just got to cherish everything I have before it's too late.